A lot of thoughts playing in my mind recently. I'm not sure if I'm going through a mid-life mini-crisis or simply I let my feelings controlled me lately. I've been thinking quite a lot about decisions that I made and "what ifs" situations, I must admit this is not the usual me. I'm quite a decisive person, yes means yes, no means no, usually would not allow myself to dwell into uncertaintaties and wishful thinking.
I don't know you all out there has this wish... occasionally I wish that I could see a glimpse of what the future holds, what I'll be doing and how the kids will be doing. Will I be a SAHM, have more kids, work from home or start a family business. Ha ha ha sounds like I'm really in a mid-life crisis eh?
I thank God that through this time He stir me to think about my remaining time on earth, I've been asking myself the following questions:
1) What do God wants out of me?
2) How long will I remain in the rat race?
3) Is God leading me to walk the walk of faith?
4) How do you want to touch people's lifes?
5) Do you want to live your life the way it is?
Hmmm.... very deep questions indeed, I think I need to find time, be still and be honest to myself. This morning while I was driving to work, I realized a spider has made a web between the side's mirror and the driver's door the night before, as I drove passed 40-50km/hour it is still holding tight to its web, struggling and hanging on. Just now as I was reading a devotional material, the passage today talks about preseverance. Somehow God is trying to tell me something and I'm still searching, may He grant me the wisdom to distinguish the sounds of my selfish desire and His will.